really, I have no idea what I'm talking aboot.

I’m very much at peace right now. As much as one can be for having drank enough to kill a small elephant. Drinking like a fish when in fact a fish doesn’t drink. My head hurts, my writing is shoddy, my mind is not functioning on the straight and narrow and yet I’m at peace. I took a chance for once in a great while. I saw what I wanted and went for it. Granted my nerve endings were alight with fear. My mind was racing, I was hardly on point when trying to tell stories and yet I went ahead full speed. Whether or not I talk to Ansley again isn’t the point. That I remained focused, that I’m not sitting on the beach pouting or wondering if only, that I’ve made a mark on time and learned about another, a southern belle with an accent and a gumption for success that could make me wobbly in the knees, is the lesson learned. I’m not always right, I don’t always know the answer, I’m not perfect, my writing and my thoughts and my life need work. I’m easily distracted, I’m in love with the world and with life, I’m crazy yet sane. I’m a juxtaposition of ten thousand different ideas and concepts. I’m typing for no reason other than I feel I’ve something to say. I’ve so many interests and visions that life becomes extremely difficult to manage on any given Sunday, yet someday I will have discovered the feeling associated with infinite love so well that I will fear nothing. Not death. Not hurt. Not anger or temptation. I will have found my rock and will have built my church on it. I will understand that the delusions of grandeur which plagued my father can be harvested for all they’re worth even if they’ve no market value. How could they or why should they? Is the market not in an ever expanding state of disarray? My words are solid as granite. They have been spoken. Of course they’ll fade into the distance, becoming lost amongst a sea of nothingness. Of course no one might read and reread them other than my self. Of course they contain no great insight into anything other than my fcuked up mind. And yet the fact that I won’t have to worry about not having spoken my mind is priceless.

Whoisjobe.blogspot.com is not a sham. It’s not important to me that society has already confined the definition of a web log to a box with a proper definition, concept, and idea (political commentary). Journals have been documented since the invention of the written word. They are an important insight into the human condition. They allow us to know ourselves and the ones we love. Putting my journal online for anyone to see is my goal. I could care less if I only have two people reading as I know I can trust Nicole to continue reading in suspense. Writing is an exercise in which I need much work and yet I, for once, welcome the work which lay ahead in the years and hours until I end up dead, a fire extinguished in the blink of an eye. Releasing my thoughts is the only way for me to streamline and visualize mistakes, trends, penchants and meaning. Why this has only recently begun to make sense is amazing and beautiful. I truly could be sleeping with the fishes now but I’m not.

I believe in sentiment, in family, in growing as people, in uncovering and exposing every intricate detail of god’s infinite love.

I’m preaching and I’m teaching myself to live on planet earth. I’m not normal.

I am a direct descendant of Job.

I will understand.

I will love.

I will grow.

I will inspire and I will perspire, I will hurt and I will fear. I will be deceived, I will wonder and I will continue to live through blunder after glorious blunder. When the time comes for my number to be called, I’ll man up and accept that God is calling me.

I will shower my friends and family with love and insight. I will listen to their troubles. With them lodged deep in the depths of a singed heart I will pass through the sands of time…the melody of life aligning in rhythm and rhyme.

I will learn to ignore ignorance or file it under never.

People aren’t perfect and neither am I.

This is my creed.

This is my future.

whoisjobe? One Man, One Plan.