by the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings

In the big rock candy mountain

I'm a kid again only this time I'm not burdened with worry, I'm not always in a hurry to scurry and run to hide from fun constantly focusing on me as number one, the most difficult of differential equations, a problem to solve, absolve me of this quick.

I must be blessed. I'm typing away in the comfort of my 2000sf loft (rented), overlooking the entire skyline of Chicago, steel and lights, fireworks exploding in the distance, a soft breeze of cool air conditioned air brushing past my sore legs, $120 headphones broadcasting Down from the Mountain, cell phone at my side, medicine in the cabinet, a turntable (one of a pair, although I've not fully chased the dj'ing dream due to overwhelming anxiety and a perpetually distracted mind, if you can't already tell, although I've been told I'm not half bad........). My car sits on the street, leatherette heated seats, 1.8 turbo engine, powered moonroof, tip-tronic transmission, get up and go, all the bells and whistles, 0 to 60 for only $200 something bucks a month.

Someone's looking out for me, JC, a former agnostic whose mind tends to run and run and run, travelling down three highways that split into 6 that split into 9 divided by 3 equals one fcuked up ride......thank the lord for the power of lexapro to soothe the synapses, seratonin flooding my overwhelmed mind, laying the terror gently to sleep while still allowing the soldier an ability to play, if I could find the girl for whom I'm searching tomorrow if not today.

I'm powering through the Brother's Karamazov, gaining perspective of 19th century Russia, the overwhelming power of jealousy and greed, a search for God and meaning in life....basically concepts which percolate through my mind on any given Sunday as I long and hope for Monday to be forever deleted from the work week.

And I'm not so much alone right now. It's most likely the Wellbutrin I added to my daily regimen. I trust in the power of science, as the years progress, to uncover and discover methods in treating the depressives, those whose minds have been corrupted by some kind of devil, leading them out of the perilous path towards taking their own lives, uncovering a golden path out, onward and upward.

I long for a kiss
for a soft kiss from a tender soul and a gentle pair of lips
would lead many out of the dark cover
of tryst
departing
as two souls connect
fireworks
passion
love
and
bliss

(or something like that)

anywho.

Ciao Bella.

JCL.