am I a cry baby or what?

I just want to scream as loud as I fcking can….look at me, listen to me, hear what I have to say, see what I’ve endured, the turmoil I’ve put upon those who’ve loved me, know all the times I’ve tried to end my life, fizzling and fading into the distance with one drink too many one puff over the top one more pill to saturate an oversaturated mind…listen to me, I’m here….nevermind all the pain and suffering around me, nevermind the fear which others endure, the strength they summon in silence from depths unknown to my fragile mind….all I want to do is love self loathing….to justify my delusional behavior, to take the easy route out as soon as possible, leaving this world of responsibility and hope, perpetual fear and lost love, terror and triumph and helplessness, too much debt, too little sleep, too fatigued to fight for future generations spawned of my seed a seed of madness, a seed of sadness, a seed fed by the tears of solemn silence….fight the desire to scream….scream through accomplishment, through faith in a greater god, a greater good, faith in an act of kindness to another less fortunate, head towards chaos and chaos will be found, lose myself in a book or a workout, a mass, pass on some grass as I penetrate deep into…….the fog…it’s always here and all I ever do is whine and moan and write, right?