Suri, I am your father.

Today, like many others, has been another work day full of absolute boredom. Yes, I was surfing the web, like millions of worker bees around the world; contributing to the "XX" hours of lost productivity and "XX" in lost revenue, searching for anything to provide perspective on how absurd this American life can sometimes be. The Drudge Report came through, yet again, this time with the headline, Tom Cruise: 'I'll eat my baby's placenta.' Eager to further my belief that Maverick is in dire need of divine intervention, I followed the link to a server overwhelmed by dumbfounded unproductive surfers like me. Undeterred, I Googled cruise placenta and found the story in all its glory. While reading, I let out a "what the f," and a few chuckles notifying my fellow caged hamsters that I was obviously not designing retention ponds. This was too good to keep to myself, I had to forward the PR gem to a group of seven fairly odd 20 something engineers. Minutes passed with no response. It was hardly surprising as I usually send out 20 emails a day full of random questions, scenarios, and office gossip. I began to fidget a bit, looking around for smiles or sighs to verify that my communication had not been intercepted due to its rather questionable content. Sure enough, Abe Fabulous, a fellow droog, was the first to reply with a simple, I love this game. Confused and desperate for an explanation, I maintained my "equivalent of a smoking break stance and zipped off a reply.

It turns out the game is quite simple really. One merely has to peruse the web or newspapers for anything Tom Cruise. Upon finding a story, one underlines various verbs, nouns, adjectives, and adverbs, perverts the original with a dash of creative genius, and forwards the result to myriad friends and enemies. Of course I indulged as did others, contributing revisions that could quite possibly be less bizarre than the original. Twenty minutes and twenty emails later, my belly ached from continuous bursts of laughter, leaving me in good enough spirits to accept four more hours of the corporate shaft. I see a positive future for Cruiselibs, the newest sensation to sweep the nation. I envision it evolving into Cruise or Cruiselib?, a game reminiscent of the Diet Sierra Mist challenge I failed miserably at the Taste 05. In the spirit of continuing to find progressive methods to distract my fellow employees, I pray John Travolta and Kelly Preston wont hunt me down and brainwash me for having a little fun in the workplace at a delusional super stars expense, unless of course Im invited to a scientologist orgy.

Happy Cruiselibbing

(from the wire)

The actor's bizarre plans are sure to shock his legions of fans but the Hollywood heavyweight insists he plans to cook the unusual meal after fiance Katie Holmes gives birth.The 43 year-old star told America's GQ magazine: "I'm going to eat the placenta. I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I'm going to eat the cord and the placenta right there."Cruise, a devoted Scientologist, made the decision after reading the afterbirth contains important nutrients and vitamins. The 'Mission Impossible 3' star - who has been carrying out medical scans on the foetus with his own ultra-sound machine - has also told Holmes she must give birth in silence, in accordance with Scientology teachings, so the baby isn't traumatised during the birth.The couple have been holding family pregnancy classes in their Beverley Hills home. Cruise revealed: "We've been studying what a woman goes through, what happens to a woman's body."The actor is not the only star to indulge in strange behaviour with his baby's placenta practice. Rod Stewart and fiance Penny Lancaster celebrated the birth of their son Alastair by covering his placenta in tea tree oil and burying it in their garden.

(Jobes 1st Cruiselib)
The reincarnation of Xenu's bizarre plans are sure to shock his legions of fans but the clinically insane closet homosexual heavyweight insists he plans to cook the unusual meal after fiance Katie Holmes gives birth.The 43 year-old star told America's GQ guide to everything ostentatious, overpriced, and unattainable: "I'm going to eat the placenta. I thought that would be good. Very good with a glass of chianti, although much better served with a garlic butter sauce, croutons, and a glass of Louis XIII. I'm going to eat the cord and the placenta right there."Cruise, a devoted Scientologist, made the decision after reading the afterbirth contains important nutrients and vitamins. The 'Interview with A Few Hung Men ' star - who has been carrying out medical scans on the fetus with his own ultra-sound machine - has also told Holmes she must give birth in silence, in accordance with Scientology teachings, so the baby isn't traumatised during the birth.The couple have been holding scientologist orgies in their Beverley Hills home. Cruise revealed: "We've been studying what a woman goes through, what happens to a womans soul when she denies Dianetics as the best book of all time."The actor is not the only star to indulge in strange behavior with his baby's placenta practice. L.Ron Hubbards corpse and fiance Penny Lancaster celebrated the birth of their son Alastair by covering his placenta in tea tree oil and burying it in their garden.