dopefest '06: come one come all

You'll have to forgive me my ignorance on the topic of Reality Television as I just don't have time to keep up on the fad that never seems to stop sweeping the nation, gluing eager Americans to their couches, bombarding them with Febreeze commercials and throw away drama. Last night, though, while changing after a five mile run, I was able to catch a glance of the once great Survivor. I say once great literally, as I enjoyed it the first time around, in '00 when the formulaic methodology was in its stage of incubation. Will America dig this concept and make Jeff Probst & Mark Burnett rich enough to have sex with models on piles and piles of cash? Damn right they will. And while wondering why it is that people haven't grown tired of the same shit different season, I was reminded of the beauty of reality television; unscripted shows edited correctly can create fantastical majestic moments that don't require the hard labor of Hollywood's creative engines (the writers of course). In the clip, Terry Dietz, 46, a former St. John Vianney High School varsity football player with 11 varsity letters (great stat to have on your bio by the way Terry), approached Cirie Fields in an attempt to create an alliance. Cirie, a 35 year old registered nurse, listened to Terry's proposal, mockingly nodding her head, stringing him along, yet relishing in the knowledge that she had the upper hand, the two weeks amnesty he was offering was already hers. The camera cut to a clip of Cirie in front of a palm tree where she enlightened the American public with this gem.

(paraphrased)

"Terry is asking me to form an alliance like he even has a chance, I mean we (her tribe) don't need no alliance. It's like he's a dictionary salesman and he's trying to sell me a dictionary. But I've already bought a set of encyclopedias, what do I need a dictionary for?"

I stood in complete awe at what had just been broadcast on Thursday night Primetime programming as another guy in the locker room commented, "that might be the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

This morning while trying to research this quote I came up with nothing. Not one survivor fever blog or forum or recap site mentioned the quote. Not one person in cyberspace found this shit as funny as I did. But then I stumbled upon CBS' blog where contestants that had been kicked off posted their comments on the episode.

Brian Corridan, a valedictorian and vice president of his high school class as well as a recent graduate of the prestigious Columbia University, had this to say about the incident:
"Cirie is possibly my favorite Survivor ever. Her dictionary salesman analogy? Classic. I loved how she completely called Terry out on his "offer." Ha! She's awesome."

Brian, you are a dope and that's why you were voted off long before the million dollars! Long live reality television: proof that appealing to the lowest common denominator is the best way to become rich and have sex with models on piles of cash.

(time to get back to work, the boss is pissed..Coldplay 2nite peeps!)