absotutely, posilutely not a role model

I inhale….my vision is enhanced, mind’s eye lost in a moment of drug induced bliss….I cough, my lungs choke on fumes….a bird flies above the crests of stainless steel monuments, statements of an industrial revolution….i’m high, three floors up, off the ground, peering into a reflection of America’s superiority, to a sky of oranges and blues, stark white concrete facades and phallic spires…..wavelengths, micro in size, representing all colors of the spectrum pass through me, around me, inaudible voices, credit checks and choices, secrets, secrets, are no fun, coded secrets locked in everyone…I’m high, atop a parapet, gazing down to the street below, life progresses at a standard disparate rate of ever increasing entropy, silence resonating…lost and contemplating, what direction am I progressing?

I met a man whose been lost for many years yet continued, stubbornly to hold onto a visceral vision, harvesting a single grain of hope out of a fat fucking field of despair, forty some acres of reasons why living sucks, why it’s easier to wallow than face hardship head on, avoiding pitfalls and quicksand.

"Maybe this is all bullshit, maybe this bullshit is just a fun way to pass time…maybe I’m lying to myself," he'd say, concealing proof, that fact and fiction merge into reality, our definition of some surreal truth, some meaning to why life is chock full of strife and wrongdoing.

"I need a break to brake, relax and unwind,rediscovering the arduous path on which my stars were once aligned, destined to pursue a life synchronized to resonance, melody, rhythm and rhyme. What I’m doing is wrong, and I’ve been doing it for so long, so much time wasted, so many laughs and lusts left unshared, scared and unaware of the impact on a fragile mentality."

"Who aren't I?" I exhale and ponder, misperceptions defined by an evanescent reality.